What I feel about war

The Israel-Gaza conflict and words by a Palestinian poet

We need to talk about this…

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I need to write and calm that incessant bubbling of thoughts underneath the outer surface of my personality. I am not an expert but I am trying my best to keep a humane point of view in the Israel-Hamas war. I’ve been learning about the tumultuous history of the Israel-Palestine conflict. I remember getting to know of the Israeli force, Mossad’s incredibly bold pulling-off of seemingly impossible operations, to be deemed by the world as powerful, if not one of the best, intelligence forces out there. On October 7th, when the several thousand rockets fired from Gaza hit Israel, I remember feeling surprised that the all-mighty Mossad didn’t see it coming and that it’s only right for Israel to retaliate for the unprecedented damage they suffered and the innocent lives lost. I pictured it as the essential and brave action to take. However, when they did start air-strikes on Gaza, I was watching a live broadcast on a news channel and just a few seconds in, I experienced a gut-wrenching feeling, staring at the night sky blanketed over Gaza, dotted with erupting flames.

Gaza night sky, Times of Israel

I’m from India and I’ve never been outside my home country so far. I couldn’t help but think of how a similar night sky over our country was an occurrence during Diwali, the festival of lights — a joyous celebration with fire crackers going off. The polarisation of these incidents filled me with indescribable horror.

After a few days following the incident, I read an Instagram story posted by a fitness influencer that I’ve been following for a while now and I was struck with confusion, visible in the way my face contorted, thinking, “What is she doing saying she stands with Palestine? I thought we were to support the Israelis — aren’t they the victims of this ugly war?” I probed into her point, looked for the ‘other side’s’ perspective and I was shocked to learn how easy it is to get lost in a sea of information, form an opinion, take sides based on what agrees with your opinion, albeit one formed with half-baked knowledge about truth and justice. I watched videos of Palestinian women taken hostage by the Israeli forces, kids frantically running behind vehicles to get their mothers back, Israeli forces demolishing innocent Palestinian homes and pouring cement into their water sources.

I heard an expert talk on a podcast about how Israel’s course of action should be aimed at severely decapitating or exterminating Hamas’ capabilities, and while the military aim seems to be just that, it’s shocking to see how innocent civilians on both ends get caught in the crossfire. More so, women and children.

I don’t have my own skin in the situation and one could argue that I am not qualified to speak about the state of war or propagate ideas of taking a particular side and they would be right. I’m not here to do either — I’m only trying to express what I feel (because in not doing so, I feel suffocated in my head and heart) while trying my best to avoid circulation of potentially misleading news. In keeping with that, I urge you to join me in trying not to limit our source of information to a singular feed or perspective. In the words of the activist and writer, Najwa Zebian, “Selective empathy is not the answer. Valuing one human life over the other is not the answer.”

Let’s hope and pray that peace prevails soon.

Writing to you with a heavy heart,
Naya

"So sleep peacefully, peacefully if you can 
Sleep peacefully in your words
and dream that you are dreaming
Sleep as peacefully as possible
I will ward off mosquitoes
crocodile tears
and friends who loved your wounds 
but abandoned you when you made 
your cross a writing desk
Sleep quietly at your side
sleep quietly
I will guard your dreams
I am alone as you are alone at this hour 
The earth is lofty
lofty as thoughts
The sky is a metaphor, like the poem 
Blue, green, white
White
White
White"

- In The Presence Of Absence And A River Dies Of Thirst ( Darwish, Mahmoud)